Well - here it is, and it's all good.
Here is what I did. All the tender houses are county ran. I called the county and asked how I could get in touch with the supervisor of the tender house at the bridge I was having trouble with. They gave me the guys name and number. I called the supervisor and explained my situation while offering to meet at my boat for him to look at and he took my information and said he'd get back to me.
He sent me an apology email, which wasn't necessary, then called. He explained how the tender was in the wrong and thanked me for not formally reporting that. Apparently they would have been fined pretty heavily for a denial to open the bridge. He said he doesn't care who requests an opening, an open is going to happen. He was pretty hard on the tenders saying their job is to be alert and open the bridge. If they believe the opening was unnecessary, the proper procedure is to take the registration number off of the vessel (if it has one), as it passes, and report it to the coast guard as they will deal with it. They are in no way supposed to give navigational instruction. He said there is a new group of tenders running that bridge as of Jan 1, so this gentleman I had a run in with is no longer working there.
I thought it was a good opportunity to ask what "easily lowered" constitutes as said in the CFR (coastguard federal reg's). He said "Look, if you can get it down without it being a big deal - then lower it. You know if you can drop your top quickly. Otherwise, if you're running back and forth to the helm - open the bridge. Boating is suppose to be fun and passing a bridge should not inconvenience you. I'd rather you open the bridge than be unsafe." He said I'm fine and to request away. In fact, he gave me his cell phone number and said if I ever have another problem, which he assured me I wouldn't, to use his name over the radio and immediately call him.
I honestly expected more a compromise, but what a great ending. - And yes, I WILL find this guy and bring him a bottle of booze for his acknowledgement and efforts...